Tuesday, 9 May 2006 13:47
[personal profile] belovedpiglet

me 060505

It's really, really hot outside. At least if you're sitting in the sun and there is no wind, like where we sat during lunch. The sun is really strong, I feel a slight tinge in my skin now … and I look like a fried pig or something. Sun really doesn't do me much good; I wish I could get a gorgeous tan … but well, it's still nice that summer has finally arrived. I think it will feel better when we bike home, as then there will be a bit of wind too. I'm planning on going to town with Nina after work and grab a sallad or something and just watch people stroll by and enjoy the good weather. I hope that she doesn't change her mind (she was a bit hesitating at first, since she wasn't in a particularly good mood - but that is even more reason not to just sit at home and feel sorry for oneself, right?) cause I think that I would get depressed sitting alone at home (Sofus is meeting with her friend Ewelina). It's that kind of day. That, or I would fall asleep and ruin the night's sleep. And I do not have a heart for being melancholic tonight … Eh, do I ever?

M's smile is still haunting me. I am so stupid, I just can't stop myself from analyzing every gaze (is it neutral? not caring? interested?). Why do I even bother? Or rather: Why couldn't he had told me straight out that he wasn't interested back then? Then I would have known, no need to contemplate. That would have helped me so much. Hurt, yes, but helped still. He's so damn pretty … it bothers me. *thinking about the DM song "I want you now" suddenly* I wish I could just tell him just how beautiful he is in my eyes. Whatever good that would do. It would still feel good, somehow. That is, if I would ever be able to find the words …

I am really such a mess! 
(and yet I am doing much better now than the last seven months, or whatever it might be)

Listening to: Radio MixCity
Currently reading: "The windsingers" by Megan Lindholm


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