Tuesday, 9 May 2006


Tuesday, 9 May 2006 13:47

me 060505

It's really, really hot outside. At least if you're sitting in the sun and there is no wind, like where we sat during lunch. The sun is really strong, I feel a slight tinge in my skin now … and I look like a fried pig or something. Sun really doesn't do me much good; I wish I could get a gorgeous tan … but well, it's still nice that summer has finally arrived. I think it will feel better when we bike home, as then there will be a bit of wind too. I'm planning on going to town with Nina after work and grab a sallad or something and just watch people stroll by and enjoy the good weather. I hope that she doesn't change her mind (she was a bit hesitating at first, since she wasn't in a particularly good mood - but that is even more reason not to just sit at home and feel sorry for oneself, right?) cause I think that I would get depressed sitting alone at home (Sofus is meeting with her friend Ewelina). It's that kind of day. That, or I would fall asleep and ruin the night's sleep. And I do not have a heart for being melancholic tonight … Eh, do I ever?

M's smile is still haunting me. I am so stupid, I just can't stop myself from analyzing every gaze (is it neutral? not caring? interested?). Why do I even bother? Or rather: Why couldn't he had told me straight out that he wasn't interested back then? Then I would have known, no need to contemplate. That would have helped me so much. Hurt, yes, but helped still. He's so damn pretty … it bothers me. *thinking about the DM song "I want you now" suddenly* I wish I could just tell him just how beautiful he is in my eyes. Whatever good that would do. It would still feel good, somehow. That is, if I would ever be able to find the words …

I am really such a mess! 
(and yet I am doing much better now than the last seven months, or whatever it might be)

Listening to: Radio MixCity
Currently reading: "The windsingers" by Megan Lindholm


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