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Thursday, 27 November 2008 21:14

I am truly dead tired! This week feels so full of stress, somehow. We had an office meeting after work today, and those things always stress me out. Not so much during them as before them, though. I really don't like conflicts and stuff like that, and meetings always end with discussions. It's not that our meetings are even that bad, I think. I can't say for sure though, as I've never been to staff meetings at other places ... but somehow there is always some underlying aggression, especially from some people. We don't really have any major problems at work, but some people make every little thing huge, and get upset about pretty much everything. It's tiring. I mean, sure, I get irritated at my colleagues at times too, but the way I see it, one has to weigh the negative effects of nagging about things against the importance that those things ... and most things aren't worth any fuss. Also, one should try to shake things off ... the only thing that happens if you keep thinking about irritating things forever and keeping grudge with people is that you fill yourself with negative emotions and hurt yourself. It's usually better to just let things pass, unless they are real problems, no? Anyway, the meeting wasn't that bad ... it was just long (almost three hours) and in the end we didn't say much that we haven't said a zillion times before ...

When I got home (tired from biking against the wind in the dark) I forced myself to not sit down to relax and then not be able to get up again for the rest of the evening, but I started tidying and cleaning the hall. I take the apartment one room at the time. The hall is, of course, the easiest to tidy, as there isn't that much stuff there ... But it's also a bit boring, as there isn't much to do to it when it comes to decorations. I did a little bit of cleaning in the bath room too, but still have work to do there ... and I have the kitchen and bedroom left to tidy - the worst rooms. The kitchen is still better than the bedroom ... Had it just been a bedroom and nothing else, it might not have been so bad ... but since it's the room where I keep my desk, my deco stuff, my magazines, a lot of teddies, my journals, papers etc ... Well, I think you get the picture! It has a tendency to get very, very messy.

Work is a bit stressful at the moment too ... Not that we have an extreme amount of calls to answer - even though we've been short of staff most of the week, due to people being ill - but because they've given us lists of customers that we're supposed to call to check if they're interested in buying some of the new articles we've got in stock at a discount. I usually don't have too much problems calling customers from work, in spite of my phone phobia, as it's somehow different when it's the company calling rather than me ... but this type of calls is way outside my comfort zone. I truly hate phone calls from sale's persons myself, and know just how annoying they are. It might be a bit different when you get them as part of your work instead of at home, in your free time, but still ... I can't lose the feeling of disturbing people, know what I mean?

And French class yesterday was a bit depressing. Well, most of it was nice, as usual, but ... In the current chapter, we're supposed to learn the difference between "que" and "qui" and well ... It's not that I don't understand the difference; I could even tell the rule for when to use which, that one is used for a subject and one is used for an object, but ... it ends there. I never was any good at syntax, and when it comes down to actually deciding whether the word alluded is a subject or an object, I get lost. Not when it is a really simple sentence with just one verb, but when there are more than one and ... argh! I get so frustrated I could cry. It makes me feel so stupid! But it's really not a new problem ... already back in 7th or 8th grade when we were studying this in Swedish class I remember bursting into tears when I was doing the homework together with my mom ... I just don't get it, and I doubt that I ever will ... especially since most of the time it doesn't make that much difference to a Swedish sentence ... I guess that I will just have to pray that the ear that I have for language can help me get it right anyway. It has happened before :smile: I never was a grammar wizard, but I tend to get it right rather by having a feeling that "this sounds right" than knowing the actual rule ... This said, if anyone thinks that he/she could teach me to do the syntax thing, you're welcome to try;) Beyond telling what's subject and predicate in a simple sentence like "Le lapin est joli", I am truly lost! I think my frustration might have amused Pierre a bit though.P:

Hm, I think I will treat myself to an episode of "NCIS" now and then go to bed. It'd be good if I got up a bit earlier tomorrow than I did this morning ... Oh, but first I just have to mention this really silly e-mail that I got from the page yesterday. This guy had written "Hello. Would you be able to write an analysis of Jago or Othello in the book "Othello". That would be very nice of you. If you have the time, could it be ready some time next week. Thank you!" What? Does he honestly think that I would do his school work for him? *shakes head* Why on Earth would I do that? People! They never cease to amaze me! But perhaps I should take it as a compliment, as he must have found my book blog good, eh? Perhaps I am mean, but my thought was rather that he'd contacted anyone who wrote about books at all ... especially since he actually misspelled the word 'book' in his e-mail. I would guess that he was the kind of kid who never read a book his entire life and does not intend to do so just because some teacher tells him too. But honestly ... how can people live without books?

Our dear friend Mu turned 30 today! She asked us to go out with her to have drinks and dinner (we ended up at Cyrano, on Prinsgatan, which was a nice place), so we did. I was a bit stressed out as I had not planned to go into town today, and had to bike home, change clothes and run to the bus, but apart from that it was really nice! I guess that I am not really good at doing things spontaneously, but when one does it's usually nice. Since we were four girls out and we had cosmopolitans, we felt a lot like SATC. And there was a lot of girl talk, of course :wink: I am pretty sure that guys don't want to know just how much girls talk about them! And Mu does not seem to mind turning thirty. No age crisis. That is good :smile:

I wouldn't say that I had any particular age crisis when turning thirty either, even though I certainly feel like time is running away from me sometimes. I guess no one really dreams of being single at thirty. Or of still not being sure what one wants to do with one's life. But when it comes to age crisis, I think turning twenty-five was worse, for some reason. Otherwise the only time I can remember (if I really do remember it, or remember it just because I've been told about it, I don't know for sure) when I was really upset about a birthday was when I turned six. I was so disappointed when I woke up that morning and hadn't grown at all. :smile: Isn't it weird, really, how we spend most of our childhood and adolescent years wanting to be older and then the rest of our lives wishing we were younger? That's so typically human - always wanting something else than what we've got! I know a lot of people who say that the years around thirty are the best, though ... but I guess that depends a lot on where you find yourself at that age. I think that opinion is mostly based on life being stable at that age, somehow. Like my mom, she had been together with dad since she was nineteen, they lived together, were married and had two kids by the time she turned thirty. Me, I don't know. What do I have? A job. That's pretty much the only grown-up and stable thing about me. If a job can be considered stable in these times of financial crisis ... Hm. But then again, who can say if I would've been happy if I had all the things that I think that I want from life?

Today was a very slow day at work. If I thought we would have lots to do because we were a bit short of staff in the afternoon, I was wrong. When I started working, Monday was almost our busiest day, but these days it's rather quiet. I kept myself occupied for most of the time before lunch, but the afternoon was SLOW and time passed at a painfully slow pace. Ah well, perhaps there will be more to do tomorrow! One never knows before hand ...

I should probably go to bed. I was dead tired this morning ... BUT I should've gotten out of bed the first time the alarm went of, of course. Why don't I ever do that? One is usually less tired the first time one wakes than when one has hit the snooze button a few times. Somehow staying in bed in the morning is way too tempting P: I guess that I will never be a morning person, but I think it's really unfair that it's so easy to fall asleep at all times when one is not supposed to sleep and so hard to do it when it's bed time. Sweet dreams, folks!

"... Wishing you were here Leaning on my shoulder A heavy rain is closing in Staring at the sky Waiting for salvation Another day will soon begin ..."

Yawn! What a busy day this has been. The morning was really messy. Katta was held up by something around breakfast time so I was kind of doing both our jobs for a while and a lot of things were happening all at once. Including M calling, which didn't exactly help me when my mind was already busy. It's very interesting how nice and chatty (work-related, of course!) he always is when he calls on the phone, while he hardly even said hi this morning. He sort of got on my nerves, cause he always seems so eager to point out how good he is, how careful about work etc. Yes, it is a good quality, and I like that about him, but there is no need to brag about it, right? Well, in a way I suppose that it is a positive sign that he does get on my nerves. Probably means that there is a chance I can get over him, right? But damn, he's so cute. Still, he effects me less than he used to, which is good. But I won't say too much, as I've thought like that before, and as late as last Friday again I almost felt knocked-down by his cuteness … These things are never easy! I just hope that it won't end in that awful empty feeling that sometimes catches me … I am so sick of feeling blue!

"... When the sun dries the rain And glitters through the trees I'll gaze at you With the winds you are gone my love ..."

Argh! We have a meeting this afternoon. So boring! Especially since I would be off at three if we didn't and now I have to wait until the meeting begins at four, and will end at six, if we're lucky. Sure, I do get paid for this hour of waiting also, but it still sucks. I want to go home. The weather is lovely and I would much rather sit on the balcony or something. We went outside during the lunch break and it was really lovely. Even the wind was a bit warm. Cosy. Seems like spring is finally here for real. All that's missing is a bit of "spring feelings", and someone to share them with, of course.

"... Watching how the shades Linger in the morning I can't escape the ghost of you I can hear your voice Calling in the distance I know you're feeling lonely too ..."

Speaking of which, the cute sale's guy (who is called Johan, by the way) was here yesterday, like I wrote last time. Indeed he is cute. If nothing else he is so charming that you have to adore him. I just try to remember that it is part of his work to be charming, and not be too effected. That can be hard sometimes, though. I ended up giving him a tour of our building, as he wanted to have the new price list and we keep them upstairs + they were hidden away in a store room. Well, I didn't mind at all *big smile* since it meant that he hung around for a while; and he didn't seem to mind much either. I was all giggly afterwards, so he surely effected me, no matter my good intentions not to let him, and I can hardly remember what we spoke about. (But isn't it good that someone else can make me feel that way, not just M? Cause for so long now, no one seemed to have effect on me but him.) Let's hope that he shows up again some time soon. I would like that. Woah. Cute guys can be so addictive, right? *blink* [And in my wildest dreams I would, of course, dare to ask him out and he would accept and it would all be so good. Haha! And everyone who knows me knows that I would never dare that at all, and if I did it would still end bad … It's not like I ever say all the things I mean to say to M, right?]

"... But the trees will fall someday So I must let you fade away When the sun dries the rain ... "
(lyrics by Evan)

Listening to: "Do what you're told" by Sebastian
Currently reading: "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse


One night ...

Thursday, 27 April 2006 18:51

 "... One night with you Is what I'm now praying for The things that we two could plan Would make my dreams come true ..."

I so should not be sitting by the computer again. I have way too much of that at work, and right now my entire body seems to be in pain, but mostly my lower arms, of course. It's really driving me crazy. Honestly, what can you do that does not strain your arms? Pretty much nothing ... especially not the things that I like to do, such as writing or cross-stitching and stuff like that. I've had these problems for so long now, and you get used to it somehow ... but now it's really getting worse. I don't want to be back at what it was a few years back when I had to take sick leave finally cause I just couldn't stand it anymore ... *sigh* Let's hope that it won't come to that. It's a good thing I will have vacations soon ... believe it's only three more weeks of work left now. Then Melyssa will come here. Wow! Surreal, for sure! And I really, really hope that the weather will be better by then ... cause what we've had so far this year has not been fun ...

"... Just call my name And I'll be right by your side I want your sweet helping hand My loves too strong to hide ..."

This week is really long and slow. That's usually the case when one has to work a whole week after some weeks have been shortened by holidays, no? There is still another day to go, and I am tired to the bone. Holidays tend to mess things up at work pretty bad, so we're all stressed out. Monday is off too. It's nice to have extra days off, of course, but they make so much trouble at work that sometimes it hardly feels worth it. The funniest thing happening at work today must have been this morning when Kari called and then all the drivers were shouting "good morning". That's an interesting start to your day, no? I couldn't help but smile when Kari told me he just wanted to let me know that he, Lillen, Magnus and Thomas were all sitting down there and Jarmo was loading his truck - just so that I shouldn't wonder where they were. Haha! I can't say that I was wondering, but who cares? Someone making you smile in the morning is always something! (*trying not to get lost in a daydream where I would actually wake to M's beautiful smile in the morning [and wondering if he does smile in the morning, as he does not seem to be one of those people who "rise and shine"]*)

"... Always lived, very quiet life I ain't never did no wrong Now I know that life without you Has been too lonely too long ..."

I decided to nominate this poem for the Sockerdricka anthology finally:

Read the poem "Augustilangtan" at Sockerdricka!

It really wasn't easy to chose one, so I decided to go for the one that I've had most positive response to at the site. I am not that active there, so I usually don't get too many comments, as usually the ones who have tons of comments are those who have many friends in the community. Anyway, now I will just have to wait and see if they will choose to publish my poem or not. I have no idea how many poems are submitted anyway ... I believe there was going to be 250 poems in the book or something. Whatever. I don't like to translate poems, and this one isn't exactly the easiest one, but I will try, for the sake of those of you who don't speak Swedish ...

August longing
The late summer sun penetrate like spears through heavy grey authumn clouds
warms my skin to longing and I tremble
Your eyes whisper to me through nights thick with dreams
wrap me up in sapphire-shimmering velvet
Starlit skies sparkle in your smile
that I have missed through eternal seconds of emptiness
Would you give me your hands to caress
in the first blooming of the dew of dawn?
(Anna 050826)

It's dedicated to M, of course, who else? Damn! His smile is really the most beautiful thing!

"... One night with you Is what I'm now praying for The things that we two could plan Would make my dreams come true ..."

And I will never be able to understand how I can feel that destiny is calling when meeting hi eyes and yet be so wrong ... How can he not feel the electricity when we're in the same room? How could all those smiles, silly words that said nothing but felt heavy with meaning ... how could the mean nothing? That is truly a mystery ... and I go crazy contemplating it, for sure!

Jesper and Nasse making out on the sofa! We found them like this one day ... it means something to me only because my sister calles me Nasse sometimes and M's colleagues call him Jesper ... 

Listening to: "Legendary Elvis"
Currently reading: "Scaredy cat" by Mark Billingham

Grey skies

Friday, 31 October 2003 10:57
Yet another grey day in Göteborg. I wonder if the sky has forgotten about the colour blue? It hasn't had that colour for a long time it seems... a great deal of luck that there are other blue things in the world or we might forget about the colour also...

It seems that all cool usernames are already taken at this site... at least I managed to find one which I could use after trying out a variety of others. I hope that someone at least will be interested in reading what I write here... It would be nice to have more readers than one, even though [profile] aunt_sophie will of course always be my favourite one *smile*

Lunarstorm still hates me. I miss my fave site, but it doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. I don't understand what is wrong *sigh*

Today we only work until twelve o'clock since tomorrow is a holiday. Usually I feel that half days at work are only stupid as they create far more trouble than those few hours off are worth, but when it is a Friday it doesn't matter that much and I look forward to getting away from here early. Me and Sofus will go to pick up our photos from the trip (amazing how fast Onoff can actually develop them!) and see if we managed to catch any cow on film...

Tonight we are invited to Anders' place to have a little celebration of Halloween (or Alla helgona, as we call it here) - Sofia said it would be no real party just a few people gathering. That suits me fine. I don't want to go to any big party where people just get drunk. Bores me to death and I feel like I am in the wrong place. But one never knows, maybe a lot of people will show up in the end even if only a few had said they would come when I spoke to Sofia yesterday... Anyway, I don't think I will stay up that late - I am always dead tired on Friday night.

We went training again yesterday. Did a class of Bodytoning. We missed Nicola who usually does that class, but the other instructor (think she was called Camilla) wasn't too bad either... it's just that one gets used to a certain instructor *smile* Actually my body doesn't ache much today - I must be getting fit. Hehe!

One thing is for sure - we do NOT have a lot to do at work today *smile* Everyone is surfing the net or playing solitaire... well, except for the ones working with economy who seem rather busy.


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